Oops, Tasty Bhindi

Many people/individuals talk to their girl friends as if they are in a question answer round where they can answer with hmmm, no, or yes only. Though they stick to their mobiles for hours, but to remain silent. Believe me or not, but these discussions kept pinching and suffering my mind. So I wanted to know everything about them.
 
I inquired my friends about their discussions with their girl friends. Most of them ignored me, but they did not miss to pass a scary glance at me, and rest others answered miserly. Most told me that these discussions are general chat about their day to day activities. But, believe me, these answers did not satisfy my curiosity. After neglected by friends, I decided to achieve the enlightenment at my own. I decided to dirty my own hands to figure out the truth.

So I started searching a prey for my experiment. It was hard to find a girl who was as desperate as me. Though I was kicked out of many coffee houses and disco bars, but I did not lose the hopes. Finally, I found the girl who could help me to attain the salvation. She was decent looking, though socially awkward, but physically marvellous blonde.

Her name was Sam as her actual name Sameera was too old fashioned and embarrassing for her. She had the henna coloured hair, big and dark black eyes, long ear having big long earrings, dimpled cheeks, and aquiline nose. She was 5'6 tall, hot, and cute girl.

Actually, I was on the 7th sky. I did not get a chance to talk to girls ever, but now I was dating a blonde. Though I thought, She might be different from general Salvar-Kurta girls and my experiment may fail, but I did not want to screw up the only chance I got.

After seducing and convincing her for the couple of weeks we were in a serious relationship, and we started sharing many sleepless nights. Initially I used to speak, and she used to listen me, but later everything changed and she started driving our conversation.

I used to return to home from office at 10PM. Our office AC was not working well and used to stop cooling building everyday after 8PM. So these two hours were heat massage for me. Though sweating was merely a problem, but my bigger problem was; her call. I did not know, how she synchronized her calls with my entry in the house, but my cell would surely ring once I was here. Though I had seen lot of science fiction motion pictures, but nothing helped. Even after multiple check-ups, the doctors could not find any transmitter in my body (ha ha ha kidding).

Her call was not pain until we had a lot to discuss, but within few days we did not have enough topics to discuss. Apart from that she wanted to dictate herself. The discussions were very similar everyday.

Our discussion used to start with hi darling, did you have your dinner? If I would say NO, then she would start explaining medical and scientific reasons to avoid late in the nights. She would give more unwanted suggestions to improve my bad eating habits. So I did not have any option except a lie. My answer was not good enough to stop our dinner about discussion. Now she would insist me to tell  her specific details about dinner. She always wanted to know cooking capabilities of her 'to be' mother -in -law. Oh fuck, is all this necessary now? But, you cannot show your frustration on phone. I told her that I eat Bhindi with Chapaties. Bhindi brought her back to life. She screamed, and told me that Bhindi was her favourite dish. She started to describe  all the possible ways of preparing Bhindi. According to her, Bhindi could be prepared in four different ways, and she described all of them to me. I think, she was expecting me to cook Bhindi for her in her next visit. I was adding few Hmmm, okay, no and yes to the conversation. Somehow she introduced her Mausi in this Bhindi preparation methods session. She had already told me her Mausi's story millions time earlier, but Sam would reiterate her Mausi's struggle story. I remembered this story word by word now, and this story has been taught to me with very hard way.

Before disconnecting the phone call, she would not forget to ask these questions  again. "Baby, do not you love me any more? Why do you not speak to me as you used to talk to me earlier?". I would need another half an hour to convince her, "she is best thing happened to me in my lifetime".

I can understand the fear in my friends mind now. They never told me the whole story as they did not to reiterate it one more time in the day. They, not my friends but their girl friends, always talked general daily routine. After enlightening myself I defended myself from humiliation and got back to same life which was before introducing the blonde bug in life.

Cafe Coffee Day: A close Encounter

Most Indian couples start their relationship with a cup of coffee. Initially to ease off an emergency situation; they prefer a coffee shop nearest to the girl’s house; and these couples find CCD as the most suitable outlet wrt their requirements (I think no of girls in a vicinity determines the no of CCD outlets. Mathematically it can be expressed as number of CCD outlets is equally proportional to number of gals living nearby.). That is why Cafe Coffee Day chain, the most popular coffee chain in India, can boast about maximum couples turning up to its outlets to enjoy their constructive / destructive (Depends on individual’s outlook) and peaceful time. 

The above stated reason understates the number of visitors at CCD. Apart from couples there are lot many people (Atheists only, rest go to temples and sing some Bollywood songs to persuade the deity) who come to CCD with their desires. As CCD chain has a bit catchy slogan "Anything can happen over a cup of coffee"; so it provides hopes for people searching for their counterparts. Lot of couples can be seen sipping their coffees in their own dreamy world, lot of couples can be seen entering or leaving the coffee parlour. So it is not hard to expect a miracle.

I always hoped, Someday CCD with live up to its slogan and image. Whenever I visit the parlour, I wished to bump into any girl from my past or future but luck never favoured me. One such day things took a U turn. I entered the CCD and inspected the people sitting around. Though things were not different from any other day@CCD but all of a sudden my scanning stopped at one table and my mind started finding the reason for her isolation. My mind started questioning "Why is she sitting alone? Is there someone who has gone to place the order?" But as I did not want to lose the empty table just next to her, so instead of risking the important time in analyzing the situation in broader manner, I reserved the table next to her.

I was checking her out and suddenly she peeked at me. As soon as she looked at me, one of my eye-lid blinked, due to one mosquito who sacrificed his life to make my life easier, in other words I winked. She stared at me, as if she was looking for an explanation. Wow, it was my chance, but I did not have enough courage to ask her if she wanted to join me. Dude, just in few seconds she joined me. I did not know why? I thought she was either desperate or bold to sit next to me. (Anyway Dil ki ichcha poori ho gayi)

During our conversation, I came to know her name was Kamini, what a lovely name, is not it? Her skin was pink and she was wearing yellow t-shirt with few silver lines which caused her skin glow more and a decent short (short enough to cover half of her thigh) skirt. She had put light red lipstick (I think it was light) on her lips and her face colour was fairer than skin colour due to a thin layer of powder on her face. Her eyes were dark black due to excess of Kajal and she had put a nice and huge nose ring. To describe her acutely, her looks were better than real Rakhi Sawant and worse than Karina Kapoor in Chameli.

Aroma@CCD was little different now, all boys were staring me and her interchangeably. Shit, men cannot change. These Guys, All of them were sitting with chicks but they had to check out my gal. But in contrast all the gals were also staring at me. Guess what, whenever I hang out with a girl then lot of chicks check me out. Why cannot they find me muscular when I walk alone?

Btw, I was not much cautious about Aam Aadmi and I was enjoying my first real encounter @ CCD . She was not notably good in speaking English, so to save her from embarrassment, I started talking in Hindi (Baaap re, bach gaye nahi to apni to ijjat hi chali jati). We covered lot of white areas e.g. movies, cricket, sport, and education, lot of black areas e.g. population, traffic, pollution, global warming and poor people and grey areas e.g. Indian politics, corruption, medicine, sex and prostitution. Usually discussion was healthy except in two instances. One, when we started the topic of sex, she became too touchy (Do not take it wrong, I just mean emotional) and another when I started protesting legalization of prostitution.

After finishing her coffee she announced the arrival of her boy friend. I was sad but I knew she must be waiting for someone. I asked her number and she denied. Anyway I waived a good bye and asked the waiter to bring the bill.

Waiter brought me the bill and I gave him the money. He returned with change and asked "How was the madam sir?” I told him to mind his business. He said "Arre sir kya sharma rahe ho bol bhi do? She will charge 2000 INR for one night." I was stunned and in the state of dilemma I whispered "Was she a whorrrre?" Waiter got angry and said “Sir Ijjat se bolo, call girl bolo”. I looked at all the people sitting around me, they were still staring at me and I was sweating in air conditioned mall. I asked the waiter, "Will she consider my CCD bill in her charges?" and instead of waiting for his answer I moved out of CCD briskly.

Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.