Heart Beats of India - Trains @ Indian Railways

Indian Railways, Department undertaking of GOI overseen by the Ministry of Railways, has 113,617 Kms tracks and 7083 stations spread across the Indian subcontinent. 30 million passengers use IR everyday and 1.36M employees work for it. It is the 4th largest railway network in the world. It was one among the few positives of the East India Company. Britons proposed railway network in 1832 and since then it has been serving the masses of India. IR trains have been the most convenient transportation medium for people in India.

Indian Railways' success should be attributed to its relationship with all categories of our society. Most of us travel with Indian Railways in different sorts of compartments. A train, part of IR, contains five sorts of compartments. General bogie, a mean to travel cheap economically, physically and mentally, is for poor people. People having meager pays choose general compartments to travel. Sleeper class is meant for middle-poor class. People of this class enjoy restricted luxury (A sound sleep in natural air instead of AC). 3rd Tier AC compartment is used by people who wish to pay additional money to travel in a hassle-free environment. These compartments are generally filled by middle class or salaried class families. Next class of compartments are the 2nd tier AC, which are filled with middle-rich family. Last but not the least, 1st tier AC compartments are filled with rich and elite people of India. Apart from all these compartments, trains run with one of the most important compartment i.e. the pantry which provides tasty food (We all love it, is not it?) for all the people traveling.

Every train journey is a unique experience. These experiences are sometimes sweet, neutral at times and bitter rest of the times, better to say most of the times. Overwhelming chaos, chattering, pollution, and huge crowd, across all the stations, trains and ticketing windows, make the travel inconvenient and painful.

I have traveled in 3 types of compartments i.e. 3rd AC, Sleeper and General and based on my past experiences I may not like to travel in general compartments (most inconvenient) any more but I feel these are the most lively compartments. I know it is childish but there are solid reasons supporting my childish statement. 

AC compartments are reserved by people who have some etiquette and reservations. Either People, traveling in these compartments, do not wish to talk or their discussions are way far from understanding of a common man. Things that interest them, i.e. economy, history, books, and jobs, do not flatter a common man. 


People, in AC compartments, do not like intruders who can be problematic to the comfort so they keep their mind clear of not sharing the seats with anyone else. Along with all these comforts if you are lucky, then you can find some girls sitting next to your seat without their parents. So all in all AC compartments provide hassle free travel with few boring people. If you want to spend 24 hours in boring travel then be it's guest and pray to god to not hitting a seat next to few uncles and aunts.

Sleeper class receives people who are stuck due to non-availability of either tickets or money. When these two ends(Less Ameer and Less garib) end up sharing the same compartment then it takes plenty of time to break the ice. In sleeper class discussions are not as boring as in AC. People in sleeper class talk about sports, movies, songs, religions and superstitions. Cricket is ever green and the most discussed topic over here. Religions and superstitions are the second most discussed topic there. People share stories about ghosts, bad dreams and temples where blood thirsty souls find peace. Discussion about films and songs are rear and limited to young people. People in these compartments do not discourage intruders much and share their own seats with these intruders. All in all sleeper class is neither much interesting nor much convenient.

Let’s talk about the most evergreen, lively, and interesting compartments of a train. General bogie reflects most of the India. It has people who belong to different social statuses, castes, religions, and regions. These people try to figure out a way to make their journey a little better for the people who are suffering most. People in these compartments have the appetite to accommodate passengers 2-3 times of its original capacity. There is a fight for everything. Sometimes to enter the compartment; Sometimes to save yourself from falling back; sometimes not able to balance the body on one toe; Sometime to settle  at gate; Sometimes to escape from sharing the bench with four additional passengers. Toilets in the general compartments are additional incentives on top of all other human problems.  

Even after so many problems, these compartments are the most entertaining compartments of the train. People are not sophisticated, knowledgeable and literate much but they are curious. They do not talk about businesses, sports, films, money and economics. They talk about dances (Some chammak challo dance in some movie), salvation, love, girls, families, ghosts, problems, travels and places. Most of the discussions primarily revolve around human characteristics which anyone and everyone can understand. Striking the chords with anyone is simple. Within 5-6 hours you will know all about a person's family, business, and reason of traveling, receiver at platform, return date and lot more.

I remember a small conversation between a sage and few fellow passengers. The sage was dragging shots from his chillam and he was releasing the smoke in the compartment. One guy got frustrated and started confronting the saint, whereas few others joined to wrestle with Shiv devotee saint.

Guy 1: Bharat mein sadhu banke bas ganja peena hi dharm ho gaya hai, sharm to ati nahi. (In India, Sage do not have anything to do other than dragging, shameless people.)
Sadhu: Yeh to sambhu ka Prasad hai beta, beta ek baar pi fir dekh tujhe khud bhole dikhenge. (It is Shankar bhagwan's prasadam, try it and you will find him.)
Guy 2: Han baba sahi bol rahe ho. Apka to koi dharm nahi hamara bhi bhrast kar rahe ho.(Yeah, yeah, you do not follow any religion, but do not spoil us)
Sage: Sambhu peete hain, yeh to Moksha ka darwaja hai beta. (It is way to salvation.)
Guy1: Baba, moksha ise peene se milta to sab tum jaise ho gaye hote. (That is why you are here waiting for salvation.)
Sage: Beta moksha aise hi milege. (Accept it, it is the only way to meet Shiva.)


The conversation which was started to persuade the sadhu but did not end and it kept changing paths from one to another character/god. The Sadhu and passengers started discussing moh, maya, ramayan, and mahabharat. It looked like entire wisdom of the world was resting next to my seat. All of a sudden people, who were behaving like retards (before settling down), started behaving professors of philosophy, mythology and history. Everyone started telling truths of the world. 

Now you know why general class is great and interesting. People facing so many problems get the time to laugh, share and advice. To watch the real face of India, travel in general compartment for once in life time. You will realize the beauty and beast of railways. If you are lucky these people will persuade you to join sanyaas as well ;)

An Enchanting Love Letter

I was studying in class 11th in Sarkari/bada school (Sarkari because it was funded by government and bada(Large/Big/Huge) because it was the largest school in my village). At the start of the session, tables and chairs were assigned to us. Within a month, or two, tables and chairs yah to langadi looli ho gayi yah fir allah miyan ko pyari ho gayi (were either handicapped or broken into pieces) and the remaining wooden pieces were thrown into junk yard. These wooden piece were used as fuel for warming hands and playing cards (favourite past time for teachers whereas at the same time intelligent children were busy creating more fuel to increase the time of these sessions) sessions in winters. 

Later few mats were assigned for sitting purposes. But there were not any respite for authorities. Our room was a wrestling room for street dogs so instead we enjoying it, dogs were more ecstatic. These dogs found warm place for resting after wrestling rounds. Along with rest, they use to demonstrate their frustration of losing on the mats. In frustration their sharpened teeth were used to perform skilled work of tearing and damaging the mats. Do not know how it helped them to win more competitions but their stupid actions provoked our teachers to leave our bumps exposed to cold floor as if we had torn the mats with our Dhoodh Ke Dant(Weak teeth). 
Winters had already started so we were compelled to sit either on cold floor which was cold enough to shiver us from bottom to top or on dusty ground, in the middle of school, which had few grass patches here and there. As each room was territory for different groups of dogs, So it was a general practice for each class to find its grass patch on the dust filled ground to accommodate all batch mates. In our batch we were approximately 30 people but we used to find a patch where 40 people could sit easily because 9 brahmin and astoundingly beautiful (given that we all were blind, hence prove all my girls batch mates were astoundingly beautiful) girls needed more place to maintain a considerable distance from untouchable bechara and ugly boys.

One such day, when sun was providing plenty of heat and wind was enough to shudder us; we were sitting under the tree shade on a grass bed and waiting for our late lateef adhyapak jee (Teacher who was never on time). But before our teacher could honour us with his presence, we saw few gundas(Bad people) rushing toward us. Before they could pollute Savitri(unpolluted) girls with their devilish presence, we moved toward them. Few of them, thinnest in group, were carrying hockey sticks and rest were holding bicycle chains. These folks were famous in entire village for their bike stunts in the crowded market place; for numerous girl friends and love sessions which were halted by girls' relative; and for fights. My dad had instructed me to keep a distance from such people, so I was last to reach the yudhbhumi. Two groups started confronting. I was searching for a known face among the intruders so that confrontation could be halted before producing unprecedented and unwanted results. I found one and due to my reputation, this fight was stopped. Girls were panicked and scared and were waiting for us. I rushed to disclose the breaking news; why miss a chance to talk to girls? :)

Till now I did not know the issue. This was the first incident where we were attacked by someone outside the class. It was shocking and disturbing. Our teacher came to the class and started abusing (with all sort of words) Chashmu, who was not even present in the class. I knew something is unusual but what?

After 15 minutes of Shlok Vachan(Slang session) we were deserted. I asked, could someone tell me what had happened?

Bandar told me that Chashmu gave a love letter to Chand. This letter was not a usual love letter. It was a special letter for which he spent 100 Rs, wow, 100rs was luxury in childhood, is not it? There was a Bangali tantric in our village that had few Sidhdhies and had controlled few witches. The tantric had spread some magic itra(rural scent) on the letter. Due to itra, this letter was an enchanting love letter. According to tantric baba, Chashmu should hand over the letter to the girl and the girl would follow all the orders (orders only - mind it) written in the letter.

A Letter Of Love

As per few speculations following were the content of the letter.

Priye Chand(Dear Chand),

Mein tumhe pyar karta hun, aur chahata hun ki tum bhi mujhe pyar karo. Shyam ko five baje ganne ke khet mein milo. ..... (I love you and I order you to love me as well. Meet me at sugarcane field at five in the evening and please do not worry I have arranged security as well.)

Tumhara(Yours)
Chashmu

Somebody told me as soon as he gave the letter to her; there was a sound of powerful tamacha (slap on face.). Later Chand gave the letter to her brother and her brother was moved with the letter whereas the affects of the letter were damn opposite on the lover boy.  Chashmu was thrashed, beaten and dragged and after a session of one sided wrestling chashmu's condition was similar to a cloth washed at Dhobi-ghat.

Still you must be wondering who visited our school. I was also stunned to see these folks in school but sooner one more story unfolded. Chandu was Chand’s lover, and he came to teach the lesson to new age lover Chashmu. Arre yaar ham Mar gaye the kya. I did not know how to express myself?

Should I laugh on such stupid act or amuse on chashmu's courage? Before I could figure out my own stance, someone came running and shouting "Chandu has caught Chashmu and he and his friends are beating him". Instead of figuring out my stance, we all ran hard to save our friend.

Autobiography of an illiterate MCP

My name is Brij Kishor Chaturvedi, my fellow mates and officers call me Kaidi Number 603. 603 is a special number, do not you know it? No!!!! Okay let me elaborate. As we all know 420 is associated with evil so as 786 is with god. 603 is middle of these two numbers so this number implied my existing between evil and got i.e. a man, just a perfect man in the imperfect world. You must be wondering, either I am too crazy or philosopher. But believe me I am just a farmer, who has been counting his days to judgment day.


How did a farmer, an image of devotion, sacrifice, labour, purity and sincerity, end in prison? It is a long and tragic story; you will neither believe me nor appreciate my efforts to keep the pride of male community. I have not either copied or pasted my story but it looks dramatic and filmy.


I was in love. Please please, I do not want to hear a farmer, an image of blah blah. I also have a heart; which can fall for someone sweet, adorable and lovable and my heart fell for my own wife. Though she was a teacher and I was almost illiterate, but there were a lively attachment between us. Though my love was boundless but there were fights between husband and wife. We used to flights for individual's right. I am a male and In Indian society a wife is dust of his husband's feet and I wanted the same respect from her. But instead of appreciating my love for her, she tried to dictate and force her commandments on me. Our culture says husband is the religion and devotion for the wife. But my life/wife stopped hearing the advice from other villagers. All villagers were jahil and Ganwar for her. She argued about the changed world, does not she know the world cannot change till we/men change it? She escaped from Nari Dharma with the excuse of her tiredness and busy schedule. She did not allow me to sleep with her "because I was illiterate" and according to her my breath was bad. Neem ka Datun was not good enough to brush my teeth; she wanted me to brush my teeth with Angreji toothpaste. My father died without holding my son in his hands because my wife did not find any difference between daughter and son. She did not want someone to carry our name in this world/country/state/village. Her decisions kept deterioration our relationship every day. My daughters started calling me Unpad Budhdha. One such monstrous day in rage, unexpected and unprecedented event happened and I was awarded the capital punishment for killing my own daughters. I argued with judge and told him the necessity to take such steps to set an example which will help in preserving the honour of Male society. But idiot and literate judge said "Shut up, you illiterate and idiot MCP". Hmmm, MCP, some big term I suppose.


Here ends my story about love and sacrifices to maintain the decorum of the male society.
Jail's environment is not as it is shown in the Bollywood movies. Most of the people coming here do not have a killer instinct. Most of them do not have muscles, fame and money. Their bones are ready to jump out of skeleton cage. They are filled with darkness, humiliation, sorrow and bitterness of their conducts. They weep when they receive letters from their families. They cry when they meet to their lovely families. Though we get food thrice a day but still no one gains any weight. We work hard but our muscles do not improve. Lots of Sipahis, holding old and rusty guns, whistle and parade around us. An idiot Jailer keep shouting and frowning over us.


Here in jailhouse I have comrades who were involved in murders, thefts, robberies, rapes and many other heinous crimes but no one is innocent like me. Everyone has been penalized for his own crimes but I was punished for keeping the esteem of the society. A convict, who was self acclaimed Don, salutes me every day. As soon as I wake up, he walks in-front of my cell, salutes and shouts MC. MC is another big word I learned here. Other remaining prisoners are scared of me. They do not have the courage to stare or look at me or talk to me, but they frown due to jealousy. Though I feel alone but their fear fascinates and strengthens me more to keep them away forever.


My honey did not even visit once to meet me or to find out my conditions in the lock up. She denied hiring a reputed counselor to save my life or to appeal further. I heard people gossiping about my wife and me. I think she is going out with someone else and she will move to another village soon. I should bag one hour from police inspector at the name of male community and murder this bitch who is dishonoring the custom of our great society. I still love her but I cannot let her ruin our honor and pride.


I have seen people coming and leaving the cell. Everyone brings a new story to discuss. We all old in-mates gossip about the new talent and appreciate his courage if he has done something significant. One day one more guy entered the prison. He looked innocent but he was awarded capital punishment next Monday. Nobody knew his story, he was a quiet man. He did not even talk to his cell mates. He was finding solace in his own solitude. This was the first execution in the jail.


It was Sunday. I saw lot of changes in the environment. Police force was increased significantly. Media persons increased the chaos outside and tension inside the premise. Everyone was talking about the upcoming hanging. All other prisoners were trying to figure out the story behind our new companion and reason for such huge media coverage. Lots of people were not able to eat even a single piece of bread. We were not taken out to work. Activities around new prisoner’s cell were increased. Other two in-mates of the cell were adjusted in other cells. Everyone was tense, unhappy and panic-stricken.


Day passed in horror and hustle-bustle. Hanging was supposed to commence at six AM in-front of all the prisoners. At five o’clock he was taken out of his cell. He was trembling and chanting “Ram Ram Ram” interminably. He was not able to walk due to shaking in his legs, instead of walking he was hanging on the guards carrying him. His eyes were filled with tear, horror, fear and terror. Unlike yesterday, today he was shaved and was dressed well. According to his last wish, he heard the Bhagwat Geeta for one hour before leaving his cell. He must be trying to reduce his sins down at last moments of his life.


Media people were mocking the death scene and were telecasting the death as “Breaking news”. Instead of sympathizing with a human, their remarks were filled with hatred. There were glimpse of insanity and inhumanity in their eyes. Their eyes were dry and emotionless for 50 year old chap, who would not exist anymore with-in few minutes.


The ground was filled with people. Executioner had taken the podium and for the formalities purposes he was checking if everything was working perfectly fine. There were at-least 50+ soldiers who were around the podium. Cameras were setup around the podium to take the nearest possible shot of stretched neck. Jailer, doctor and jury members were in the front row. We all were standing behind them and we all were the spectator of something painful. There were few of us who had to face the same punishment within some time and our heart was sinking and pounding hard.


Soon, our latest in-mate was brought into the ground. He was still hanging over soldiers arms. He was uncontrollable, he was screaming, he was pleading, he was weeping and he was shaking. When we live then we pray for death and when death is so near then we always wish to live little longer. He was shouting that it was devil who acted at that moment but no one seems like listening to him. Judge was busy checking time in his wrist watch, hangman was busy in tie the rope, jailer was busy analysing the environment, and doctor was taking his equipments out of suitcase.


He was taken to podium and he peed there. Everyone gave him a disgusted look except me and few others who have the similar destiny. He was not concerned about the urination act, he was not concern about the disgusted look, he was just trembling and shouting in horror. Executioner tied his hands, put a black cloth on his head and tied the rope around his neck. His shaking increased which was even evident from the last row.  Clock in the ground clicked, judge’s arm went down, and trigger was pulled. Very next second a body was hanging in air, it was weltering like fish taken outside the water. It felt pain for little more time but after 2-3 minutes of pain, it was all over. The pain, the shaking, the fear, the terror, and the rest were over. The man and his sufferings were over. Doctor examined and after confirmation the group left the premise.


The hanging body was yet in front of my eye but it was not the person who died it was I who was hanging over the rope. Pictures, voice and talks of my sweet daughters flashed back to my mind. I was not sure about anything other than death.

Note: This story is complete work of fiction and is inspired by an article published by Hindu by George Orwell.

भ्रमित हूँ

में व्यथित हूँ 

में दलित हूँ

में अपने कदमो की सरसराहट से भ्रमित हूँ ||

आफ़ताब हर सवेरे, इक मोती पिरोता है |

व्याकुल मन मेरा, इसे दिल में सजोता है |

राहों को अपनी, मोती के दम पर बनाता हूँ |

पत्थरों से टकरा कर भी, उसी राह में चलता ही जाता हूँ ||

निशा मेरे अंधकार में, दिया एक जलाती है |

मेरे सपनो में वो, जिंदगी का एहसास ले आती है |

एहसास से, अपने घावों पर मरहम लगाता हूँ |

हर नये घाव की रोज, नयी मरहम बनाता हूँ ||

जिंदगी में रोज, एक नया ठहराव रहता है |

पलक खोलते मूंदते, आफ़ताब निशा का इंतजार रहता है |

खुश होता हूँ रोज, जब नया संसार पाता हूँ |

पर हर नये संसार में, इतना इंतजार पाता हूँ ||

इसीलिए में कहता हूँ

में व्यथित हूँ 

में दलित हूँ

में अपने कदमो की सरसराहट से भ्रमित ही हूँ ||

Ek Kaidi aur Ek Hasina

For the entire week I was busy with work. I did not even have time to sip my coffee in peace. This was the busiest week of my entire career. Though the weekend gave some relief from work but today was Monday and tomorrow was the date for releasing the product. I was occupied with work, and things were not moving in right direction and in such critical situation I was swarmed by people who called me last on my last birthday. Just within the first hour of my office I had attended five and missed six calls and in parallel I was chatting with five other friends.

My cell phone rang and it was a call from an unknown number so I hung up. Again it rang displaying 9540611889 calling. I was too frustrated to take any further actions, I let it ring until it became a missed call. These BPO folks would not let you live in peace. It rang back and as I did not have luxury time to deviate my attention again and again, so I picked the call up to shout and ask him to stop harassing me. "Hiiiii" a girl screamed loud enough to make me deaf momentarily. A gal’s voice over phone reduces the level of mercury in mind. With soft voice I asked the caller’s name. Instead of giving a straight reply I heard "Do not you remember me?" In the moment of heat I asked myself “Who is this girl? Why did she call me? Why cannot she answer me straight? Did I ever promise a girl to remember her every second of my life?” Mercury was rising in outer and inner spaces but instead of showing my emotions I told her "Dude, if you want to have question/answer session, call me in the night. Right now I have much priority questions to answer". I was just about to cut the call, I heard “hey! this is Kamini”.

Kamini, I do not remember any Kamini, did we ever meet? I wanted to leave the CCD encounter behind but her name flashed the black day back to my mind. Kamini, speaking over the phone, was fluent in English so I dismissed my assumption. But she cleared my doubt and confirmed I was talking to Kamini ( Kareena Kapoor - Chameli > Kamini@CCD >Rakhi Sawant). "Arre Baap re." Did not I tell you about giving her my number to stay in touch (You know KIT)? In a slice of second, I started finding the reasons behind this call. Does she want to discuss date and time? Does she want to negotiate on price? Does she want to blackmail me? Did someone take our photos together? (I was still unmarried and my photo on walls will reach my village before me) These thoughts made me uneasy and instead losing my temper I managed to say "Hey, kaisi ho tum". Call ended with a promise to meet at Barista and My working spirit ended abnormally on the very moment I hung up the call. I dreamt myself on deathbed with no family around (Nagar Nigam folks were completing my last rites with following words - Logon ko shauk karne ho to khule mein nahi karne chahiye bechare ki shadi tak nahi hue ek chote se shauk ke chakkar mein).

I finished my work as soon as possible and reached Barista. She was wearing pink top on light blue jeans. There was little Kajal in her eyes, lips did not have any lipstick, nose did not have any stupid ring and there was very little makeup on her face. Precisely she was looking gorgeous and I was lost in her beauty.

In conversation she told that her real name was Shalini and she was pursuing her MA from Delhi University. I thought this girl had indulged in dirty business to fulfil her teenage desires. Anyway I was still unclear about the agenda of the meeting so a thought of trap was not allowing me enjoy her company.

Looking at my peculiar behaviour she figured out my intentions of not staying there for a longer time. She took my hands in her hands and told me that she started liking (I wonder - Another trap will surface soon) me after the meeting at CCD. According to her, I was innocent (in another words idiot/stupid/childish) enough to sit with a sex worker ( ;) I dint know until the waiter announced the news of sharing a table with a hooker otherwise it was out of question) in a public place. 

I inquired "Since when was she in this business?" She told that the day of our meeting was her first but last day. Then I asked the reason to choose such muddy business. She described her poverty and told that quick money was required to save her brother from the prison (WTF - Here comes the reason of liking me just in a meeting). The word prison started dancing in-front of my eyes. I could visualize her brother(like Sunny pa ji in hindi movies) holding the bars of cage and shouting “Koi mujhe yahan se nikalo.”

I was stunned, scared, terrified and startled. I never talked to guy who had a record of public fighting and here I was sitting next to a prostitute whose brother had been acquitted for one or more serious crimes. She told that her brother has been acquitted for Hit and Run case. She told that her brother's master, who was drunk and driving, has falsely implicated the crime on her brother. My mind was trying to figure out my involvement. What does she want from me? How can I help? Is she misunderstanding me with an advocate? Does she need money for trial?.

Instead of showing my impatient, I asked if I could be helpful. She said "I just wanted to meet and tell you about us and situation under which circumstances I accepted the muddy path. I will try to figure out the way to bring my brother back home." As an emotionless person, Instead of stretching my helping hand farther, I took the opportunity to run away from the situation so I finished my coffee and left her alone with her grief.

Again I forgot to mention, today was my birthday and My birthday gift was a kiss on my cheeks.

PS: If you do not know Kamini yet, Click here to meet her.

Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.

Mystery prevails

I had been waiting for this trip for last 4 years. Everything was planned and things were on time. As per the plans I had to leave office at 5 o’clock, reach home at 5.30 and pack my bag by 6PM and reach the bus stand by 7. I reached home, door was locked, I unlocked it and entered. I started collecting the required things in huge backpack. I kept my clothes, camera (Oh camera was not there, no issues I still had time), more clothes, towel, tooth brush, paste, soap and camera, but my camera was still untraceable. I searched, searched more and searched harder but could not find my camera. So I called my mom.

Me: Camera Choda kya mene? (Did I leave my camera at home?)

Mom: Nahi beta. Kya hua.(No, What happened?)

Me: Kuch Nahi, Mene kahin to rakh diya hai, mil nahi raha hai. (Nothing great, I just misplaced it.)

Mom: Tujhe kisi chis ka bhi dhyan rahta hai, 300$ ka camera tha na. (Can't you keep your things attentively? How costly was it? Was not it 300USD?)

Me: Nahi Mummy, 200$ ka hi tha. (No, it was just 200$)

Mom: 8000 Rs/- Akal nahi hai, 8000 ka nuksan kara diya. Ab to flight se mat ana is bar, train mein hi ana. (Don't you have some mind? It is huge loss of 8K INR. Don't take flight to come home this time.)

Me: Mummy train mein 44 gante lagte hai. Mein nahi aa sakta. (Train takes 44 hours so I can’t afford this much time in train.)

Mom: Mat aa fir. 8000 rs ka nuksan kiya hai tune. (Do not come, it will compensate 8000 INR/-).

Oh man, My mom did not know the actual cost (1000 USD), otherwise It would have been more than one tiring journey of train. 

Nobody came in, nobody went out. All doors were locked and all windows were tightened from inside, then where did my camera go? Everything was in place, my laptop, my computer, my iPad and iPhone were not even touched but my camera worth 5 home trip was not there. Strange, is not it. Things were pointing to a theft. Due to lack of time, I could not investigate much and ran to catch my bus.

I was late again but this time I was only 10 minutes late to reach to bus stand. I inquired about my bus scheduled for 7 PM and I was amazed. My bus had already left, Only God can save India. Indians have stopped using IST(Indian Standard Time - Start at least half an hour late than the schedule time.). This increased the heat of my anger and frustration. I called my mom back and told her about missing the bus.

Me: Bus miss ho gayi (I missed the bus.)

Mummy: Kahan Ja raha tha? (Where were you going?)

Me: Bataya Nahi mene (Din't I tell you?)

Then why am I telling it now? Oh man, face it now. 

Mummy: Nahi (No.)

Me: Ladakh ja raha hun, Himalayas parvat. (I was going to Ladakh.)

My mom's voice was toned down.

Mummy: Himalay kyon beta? (Why are you going to Himalaya, son?)

Oops, what does my mom think about me? Oh man, I should correct her without wasting a single second.

Me: Arre Brimhachari banne nahi ja raha, Ghumne ja raha tha? (Not going to become sage? I was just going for passing some quality time)

Mummy: Acha, thik hai kitne ka nuksan hua? (How much did you lose?)

Me: Jyada nahi. (Not much)

I cut the phone before mummy could increase my period of exile. I searched the whole room, kitchen, hall, second room and house again but could not find the camera. I lost hope of getting my camera back and started living more cautiously. Few of our keys were missing. Though we did not have any idea about the burglar but we assumed someone must have found our keys and used the same key for stealing my camera. To eliminate further attacks all locks were replaced.

After silence for few days, thief hit us again. This time someone stole my Sudexo coupons worth 2200 Rs/-. What an idiot? He did not take anything other than Suxedo coupons. Investigations revealed that one key was lost. I doubted my maid so I fired the old one and hired a new maid. Locks, better and secure, replaced the older ones.

Things were fine for few days. But one day my old Sony phone was not in the drawer and some of my keys was missing for last 2 days. Was the missing key creating the trouble for me? I did not know it. So this time cook was targeted and changed. But there were not any respite from these lifts. More small things were picked without leaving any clues.Approaching Indian police was not a nice idea. Karnataka police was already burdened with Ijjat stealing and heart stealing cases, so burdening them with material stealing case was not appropriate. 

One day my room-mate moved out of the house to some unknown friend's house. He is not in house for last 10 months.

For past 10 months 14 days, Neither any key nor any item went missing from my room. Was it a fear in thief's mind, or was firing the cook/maid or was bringing better quality lock made our life better? We are still not sure about it but I have a request to the thief, please return back my khandani watch gifted to me by my dad at the graduation time otherwise how will I tell my son "Beta yeh mere papa ko unke papa ne graduation clear hone par diya tha".

Cafe Coffee Day: A close Encounter

Most Indian couples start their relationship with a cup of coffee. Initially to ease off an emergency situation; they prefer a coffee shop nearest to the girl’s house; and these couples find CCD as the most suitable outlet wrt their requirements (I think no of girls in a vicinity determines the no of CCD outlets. Mathematically it can be expressed as number of CCD outlets is equally proportional to number of gals living nearby.). That is why Cafe Coffee Day chain, the most popular coffee chain in India, can boast about maximum couples turning up to its outlets to enjoy their constructive / destructive (Depends on individual’s outlook) and peaceful time. 

The above stated reason understates the number of visitors at CCD. Apart from couples there are lot many people (Atheists only, rest go to temples and sing some Bollywood songs to persuade the deity) who come to CCD with their desires. As CCD chain has a bit catchy slogan "Anything can happen over a cup of coffee"; so it provides hopes for people searching for their counterparts. Lot of couples can be seen sipping their coffees in their own dreamy world, lot of couples can be seen entering or leaving the coffee parlour. So it is not hard to expect a miracle.

I always hoped, Someday CCD with live up to its slogan and image. Whenever I visit the parlour, I wished to bump into any girl from my past or future but luck never favoured me. One such day things took a U turn. I entered the CCD and inspected the people sitting around. Though things were not different from any other day@CCD but all of a sudden my scanning stopped at one table and my mind started finding the reason for her isolation. My mind started questioning "Why is she sitting alone? Is there someone who has gone to place the order?" But as I did not want to lose the empty table just next to her, so instead of risking the important time in analyzing the situation in broader manner, I reserved the table next to her.

I was checking her out and suddenly she peeked at me. As soon as she looked at me, one of my eye-lid blinked, due to one mosquito who sacrificed his life to make my life easier, in other words I winked. She stared at me, as if she was looking for an explanation. Wow, it was my chance, but I did not have enough courage to ask her if she wanted to join me. Dude, just in few seconds she joined me. I did not know why? I thought she was either desperate or bold to sit next to me. (Anyway Dil ki ichcha poori ho gayi)

During our conversation, I came to know her name was Kamini, what a lovely name, is not it? Her skin was pink and she was wearing yellow t-shirt with few silver lines which caused her skin glow more and a decent short (short enough to cover half of her thigh) skirt. She had put light red lipstick (I think it was light) on her lips and her face colour was fairer than skin colour due to a thin layer of powder on her face. Her eyes were dark black due to excess of Kajal and she had put a nice and huge nose ring. To describe her acutely, her looks were better than real Rakhi Sawant and worse than Karina Kapoor in Chameli.

Aroma@CCD was little different now, all boys were staring me and her interchangeably. Shit, men cannot change. These Guys, All of them were sitting with chicks but they had to check out my gal. But in contrast all the gals were also staring at me. Guess what, whenever I hang out with a girl then lot of chicks check me out. Why cannot they find me muscular when I walk alone?

Btw, I was not much cautious about Aam Aadmi and I was enjoying my first real encounter @ CCD . She was not notably good in speaking English, so to save her from embarrassment, I started talking in Hindi (Baaap re, bach gaye nahi to apni to ijjat hi chali jati). We covered lot of white areas e.g. movies, cricket, sport, and education, lot of black areas e.g. population, traffic, pollution, global warming and poor people and grey areas e.g. Indian politics, corruption, medicine, sex and prostitution. Usually discussion was healthy except in two instances. One, when we started the topic of sex, she became too touchy (Do not take it wrong, I just mean emotional) and another when I started protesting legalization of prostitution.

After finishing her coffee she announced the arrival of her boy friend. I was sad but I knew she must be waiting for someone. I asked her number and she denied. Anyway I waived a good bye and asked the waiter to bring the bill.

Waiter brought me the bill and I gave him the money. He returned with change and asked "How was the madam sir?” I told him to mind his business. He said "Arre sir kya sharma rahe ho bol bhi do? She will charge 2000 INR for one night." I was stunned and in the state of dilemma I whispered "Was she a whorrrre?" Waiter got angry and said “Sir Ijjat se bolo, call girl bolo”. I looked at all the people sitting around me, they were still staring at me and I was sweating in air conditioned mall. I asked the waiter, "Will she consider my CCD bill in her charges?" and instead of waiting for his answer I moved out of CCD briskly.

Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.

A comparison between Changing Job and Finding Biwi

Interview is a process to judge the capabilities of an individual/group. An interview, an Interaction among two or more individuals, provides an opportunity for the interviewers to assess the caliber of the interviewee. Though this assessment might base up on different criterion but final judgment communicates the perception of interviewer regarding interviewee's capabilities with respect to the new responsibilities. During the same interview process the interviewee also creates his perception about future prospects. So F2F interview provides a fair chance to both the sides to decide their future path.


Oops, where am I heading and do not know why did I leave this philosophy/gyan shit stinking the post? Dude I am not going to dictate "10 AGELESS PRINCIPLES TO SUCCEED IN AN INTERVIEW". We all have faced it and we all work to overcome the shortcomings of previous interviews while preparing for the next. I am here to talk about the two unavoidable and important categories of interview e.g., Job and Marriage interviews.


These two types have a lot of similarities and lot of differences with each other. Both of these interviews have affects prior and later to the interview. For better results every interview needs a specific preparation beforehand, whereas a successful interview leads to the surges of unwanted events and scary consequences.


As I was saying, for both the interviews we need to prepare in a different manner. For Job interview mug up fundamentals of one language which may be either Java, C, C++ or others, Learn something more to show other areas where you might have worked for an hour throughout your career e.g., Ant, Maven, You must learn to lie because interviewer asks "Why do you want to join us?" and believe me they will kick your ass out if you tell them the truth and last but not least mug up some stupid company information e.g., Who was the last CEO of the company and what was his most recent achievement (When I heard this question, I thought did he something similar to Mark Hudd, HP CEO, caught red handed with his secretary)? Preparations for the marriage interviews are different.  Call your dad/mom and ask him/her answer of all the already compiled questions. Visit to nearest and costliest parlour and try to put lot of cream to make your face fairer which might in turn increase your cost in marriage market. Go to cheapest saloon to get new hair style so that no one can recognize you if they have seen you whistle before. You need to learn the fake smile, gals have to learn to wear high heal sandals and sometime sarees as well, learn to speak truth (;) Optional, as people say "Har rishta Sachchai ki Neev par khada ho to jyada acha hai") and nod for all the answers like do you know cooking, sewing and stupider stuff. After such extraordinary preparations you cannot fail in any of the interview.


After giving so many job interviews and marriage I could list down few of the similarities and differences between both. First effect of successful job Interview is the starting of career, on the same line first successful marriage interview starts another life. Job interview makes you a slave for an organization whereas after marriage you wag the tail in-front of your spouse. Slavery to an organization makes you richer every last day of month whereas slavery to spouse makes you poorer every day. :(


Even if you choose wrong organization, you can try again to find another job but after marriage there are no chances of changing the decision or finding the new guy/gal again. Among of the few of the seen scenario one scenario is this. If you are divorcee and you are searching for a gal then all the aunties in city will gather in a temple to gossip about you.
Aunt 1 - Haaaaaaaaaa, Kaisa Jamana aa gaya hai? (See the world!!!!!!!!)
Aunt 2 - Haaaannnn, Dekho na, Arkit ne pehli biwi ko 3 saal pahle hi talaak diya hai n fir se ladki dhundh raha hai? (Arkit divorced his wife just 36 months before and he is again searching for a gal?)
Aunt 3 - Biwi to sundar thi Arkit ki (His wife was beautiful.)
Aunt 4 - Maarta bahut tha Arkit use. (Arkit used to hit her.)
Though Arkit and his wife were split as their love was more for their colleague than each other’s but these aunties proved Arkit a devil and made sure he would die without marrying again. Top of that they could comment ludicrously on his Dhalti Jawani.


Beside If you divorce at your own will, then you have to pay half of your money; hard earned money.


Next common thing between both is Role of mediator. Most of Job Interviews are arranged by Consultants whereas relatives assist in marriage interview. At the time of Job Interview, you wish consultant (If she is hot) should sit next to you whereas at marriage interviews you wish to sit alone with the girl. Consultants cannot change the course of Job Interviews but relatives can change the complete equations. They can affect your decision, dowry, and many other related things. Basic and most important fact comes later. After six months of job consultants call you back to ask if I mind changing my job again where as Relatives do not even mind calling you ever in life.


Both the interviews start with the same question. Tell me something about yourself. You can choose either to answer it or to shoot a question back. What should I tell (Sometimes I think to ask back; well do not you have CV with you?)? In Job interviews this would mean to elaborate your professional experience whereas in marriage interviews it would mean to tell your height, your size, your weight and exact birth date including seconds and mili-seconds along with location of birth with labor room report in details.


In both interviews selection criterion is salary. Salary decides final payment at both places. If you are fetching good salary then you will attract less number of employers willing to employ you whereas you will attract more number of parents willing to choose. Job interview will be more drilling to validate your worthiness whereas guardians instantaneously will acknowledge the worth of money. Along with that Private employers do not want to employ government employee so easily whereas parents looking for security worth government employee over private IT software engineers.


Both the places you will fail if you start arguing. "Interviewer is always right so do not argue with him" is the dumbest but most effective rule of interview. I try finding reason behind this saying. My research suggests In Job interview it is followed to make sure new employee should not change existing rules and regulations and in some time he will forget his own rules where as in marriages, couple should be taught to refrain from discussion to induce longevity in so called happy married life.


Both interviews provide the chance of choosing. You can have 4-5 jobs at a time and later deny all but one. But in case of spouse, you do not have the option of engaging with 4-5 gals/guys and choose one later. If it would have been possible than Life would have been much easier. I would have been searching for spouse for last seven years ;).


As I am novice to marriage interview business, so i might have missed few of the important points but I will try adding more as my experience nurtures with time. As I was saying there are lots other after effects of interviews. Do not you think those are obvious to envision? After marriage, guys just listen and girls speak whereas after joining the company, employer sucks your blood and you crib about employer's blood sucking techniques.


That is all I could find about interview e.g., Job and marriage. I know there are folks who are more experienced than I. Let's share and make the world more livable ;) ;)

Aurangabad Trip - Manjiri's Shadi - Day 1

Ashish called to inform Manjiri's, his younger sister, marriage date has been fixed. Wow it was a great news. I knew Manjiri in pictures and on chat but we had not met face to face. I was happy not only for her but also for two other reasons. Her marriage not only gave me opportunity of a vacation from boring office work but also gave me chance to meet lot of known people with unknown faces. So even before Ashish's formal invitations my plans were set from June 16th to June 19th.

First I planned to book flight tickets (Did not book for first 23 days and later it was too much to afford), later I decided to go with three tier AC(Indian Railways, carries millions of people across India but leaves millions behind as well) and finally I managed to get a sleeper class ticket. I was happy as I was going out of city after a long time. I boarded the train and settled myself. Within few minutes, malodorous smell started overpowering my thoughts but that smell was just a matter of few hours because one needy couple exchanged their seat with mine. So the rest 20 hours were away from smell and less painful due to my stock of magazines and books.


I got down on Chalisgaon and from there I took a state transport to reach Aurangabad ( What a tiny city, does not even have a junction. Shhhh). Reached Ashish's house at one o'clock in the night. I hoped for a nice and warm welcome from my new and old friends but hopes make man lazy... Instead of asking me to rest, I was asked to help in creating a pictorial for Manjiri. Shhh, kaise kaise dost hai mere. All of us put lot of efforts and these efforts resulted in a pictorial which was liked by everyone.

Pictorials which has all memories related to Manjiri

Next day started with Haldi Rashm (Turmeric program). According to Ayurveda, turmeric augments the skin's glow and in ancient time beauty parlour options were not available with brides so this tradition stuck to our marriages ;) (Haldi Rashm is one of main traditions in north as well). So Bride and bride's parents faces were colored with turmeric by aunts and other relatives whereas we all painted our faces without much assistance.

All of us with the color of turmeric

After coloring all, it was time to showcase the enhanced beauty. Bride and uncle/aunt were the honorable guest, so they were given wooden stool to sit and all senior ladies cooperated to rub their turmeric but we were left stranded ;).

Royal Bath

Above mentioned behaviour was not taken so lightly(Hee hee hee, I bet it was not :P) and unexpected idea clicked to one beast. That small idea turned out to be a devil act for 2 complete hours. We all wanted to give a royal bath to everyone so all of us took responsibility and opened the water tank which had at least 8000L clean water. First we took bath then all male member of the family were given water treat and at last all ladies met with the same fate. There was water all over the house except the kitchen and water tank with 8k L capacity, was now empty. Our satanic act was synchronized with awesome sangeet given by Shahnai Vadaks in the picture.

Musicians

After an unprecedented and extended session of Haldi, it was time for Chudi (Bangles). Manjiri had to chose bangles of a fix color and wear them as a marriage token but Madam was more interested in talk than concentrate on picking up the right set for her :).

Phone nahi mila baad mein tooo Manjiti ka kya hoga

Next was chalk (In north it is called as Chalk), where ladies taught her, how to grind wheat using grinding stone. I do not think this tradition signifies anything anymore.

Manjiri Learning tricks of the Trade.

Then she finished a few other customs and was asked to rest from all the tiring activities of the day. But her Aai and Baba were still involved in Pooja, which took more than 2 hours to complete.

Pooja's Material

There was plenty of time before actual ceremony so few of us went for shopping and eating. There I met one Marwadi bhai while buying a Pooja lamp. During the bargaining session he disclosed his native location. Even though we related so closely, Rajasthani Rajasthani Bhai Bhai, he did not give any more discount (700 Rs discount on 2200). On this shopping spree I got little more essence of Aurangabad and marathi cachories ;).

In Maharastra marriage is a two days affair. Both sides stay in the ceremony hall overnight and ceremonies go till first late night and complete in the next afternoon. People at bride side have to welcome the people from other side So we all packed our bags and marched to marriage hall. All the arrangements were checked and completed. Barat reached at the venue at 7PM. All the ladies, standing at gate for hours, were eager to welcome Dulhe Raja but Dulhe Raja was most comfortable in the bus. But finally the wait was over and he got off the bus :(

Show-Man

As soon as Mr. Vinay stepped out, ladies attacked him with their Pooja Thalis. After the warm welcome, light snacks were arranged which was followed by dinner. Dinner was a nice photo sessions for us.

Manjiri n Vinay waiting for their dinner and posing for photographers i.e. me

Whole Nautakni party with 2 elements missing Ashish n ..

Ashish got some time from his busy schedule

After the dinner it was long session for different sorts Poojas, Rashams and activities. Manjiri decided to wear South Indian attire for this night. She was getting ready where as Dulhe Miyan was waiting for Manjiri to join him in Mantap. Manjiri was looking pretty in south Indian sari and make up.

Manjiri: Mausiiii Something is missing

After her make up she came to mantap and took her place next to Vinay. Now you wonder why was Vinay so impatience to see her?

Here is our pretty gal.

After this I lost track of events because my camera's battery was over and everything was quite a family affair. Manjiri and Vinay were surrounded by all important relatives near the Agni. After hours of Pooja sessions, the day one came to an end at 1 o'clock in the night. It was quite a tiring and long day for each individual. But it was nice fun to be part of such a nice family and marriage.

I am sure I can not finish the entire shadi in one page so I will pause here and start the second day in next page.